“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears” – John Lennon
Positivity strongly indicates how someone approaches life, obstacles, and opportunities. If you think about which friends and family members you prefer being around, it’s most likely those who have a more positive disposition. After all, who wants to hang out with a grumpy, negative person who drains the energy of any room they enter? Curmudgeons are fun to watch in a television program, but not so much in real life. We currently live in an age with more gadgets to “enhance” our lives and as well as live in a greater level of comfort than at any other time in history, which should provide a greater sense of happiness and a more positive outlook on life; yet with all of our modern creature comforts, finding truly positive people is often more difficult than expected. People with a positive outlook typically believe that we have complete control of our thoughts and feelings, and that positivity is our choice. Being positive also reflects a sense of optimism, calm, and hope. It tells others that you have a sense of the bigger picture and a more positive perspective; a feeling that it will be okay.
The Oxford Dictionary defines positivity as “constructive, optimistic, or confident.” A constructive person sees a situation as an opportunity to better their life. Circumstances may appear grim, but a positive person will somehow change it around so that it’s a positive experience. A sense of optimism is a sense of hope and a brighter tomorrow. Helen Keller felt that “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Confidence is having the inner knowing that you can do it. Believing in yourself. You have one life to live in which you will encounter obstacles (it’s not “if,” but “when”) and your first thought should be that “it can be worse.”
Positivity that stems from within is directly connected with an inner love and appreciation of self. You can almost physically see when people know with certainty that they like themselves, and like who they are. There is almost a Mona Lisa smile on their face, or a feeling of confidence in their stride. Loving yourself is important to attain wisdom. It allows you to be open to learning. You may not be naturally positive and may not have been born with a positive disposition, but you can learn to be. It simply takes practice. It doesn’t come from wealth, family, or material goods. These external factors temporarily make you happy but this does not last. This is why telling yourself that if you got a raise, lived in that bigger house, or lost weight, never works. One of our interviewees said, “Happiness is an inside job”. Positivity is a state of mind and not a state of your physical world.
Surrounding yourself with other positive people is very important for your emotional state. Think of who you are attracted to. You gravitate towards the person with the smile, who is happy and optimistic. As a result, you also choose to be cheery. Their demeanor affects yours. Like a yawn, positivity in others is contagious. You feel compassionate and hopeful when you are around these types of people. That is why the adage, choose your friends wisely, is an adage to live by. It’s more important to have a small number of positive friends than a large number of friends that vary in their positivity. It’s quality over quantity, in this instance. Someone once said, “Happiness is like jam. You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself.”
Happy New Year,
Dr. G